your thong is hanging out like whoa
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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