Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
