my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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