Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
