when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
