Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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