first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize