so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
