I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
