After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
