Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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