Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
