I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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