Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
