I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
