I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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