DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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