I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
