toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
