tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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