Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He felt like a one man threesome
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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