my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
