Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
