fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
