Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
