it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
