Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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