Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
