Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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