yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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