So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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