why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
