I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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