so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
