We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
