I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
