so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
