I will die if light touches me.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
