My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
