if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
