I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
