Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
