my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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