my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
