I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
