I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
