she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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