Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
