I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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