you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
