Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
