Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
