If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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