They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
